It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing
by connora
Summary: Based on Shania Twain’s song. RWHG. After they break up, Hermione doesn’t know if she can go on. After all, he broke her heart, after you die on the inside, what’s left?


It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing

In a serene apartment in one of England's finest cities, a young women sat on the hardwood floor of her home of 3 years. Unaware that the rain was pouring in, she was in a daze. On the floor, making a circle around her, were photo's of her ex. But in some strange way, she didn't understand why they broke up. She loved him and he loved her. They started out as best friends, the typical beginning. What happened? Nothing. That's what. He just wanted some time to 'realize what was happening before he settled down.' She respected that, but at the same time, they weren't moving at a fast pace, so she didn't understand how he could have been hit with all of this, which lasted for 4 years, at once. The rain grew heavier and it started to lightening. But she didn't care. Breaking out of her trance, she looked at the photo's of him. When she was happy. When she and Ron were together. When it felt good to be Hermione.  
  
_Hope life's been good to you_

_Since you've been gone _

_I'm doing fine now _

_I've finally moved on _

_It's not so bad -_

_I'm not that sad -_  
  
She stood up slowly, heading to her bedroom, the one they once shared, collapsing on the bed, tears slowly glazing her oval eyes. She missed him so much. But he didn't know that.  
  
**Flashback to this morning **

Hermione walked down the slick wet street around 5 am. The sun not bothering to show itself. She didn't blame it, the way she was feeling, she wouldn't want to shine on other people either. She hadn't smiled in 3 days.

The rain fell slowly. Almost frozen in time. Only you could still feel it. But Hermione couldn't, she was numb with sadness. And she was soaked. Her head hung low. But as it was turned from the rain, it was still wet. Not with rain, but with tears.

What had happened to the greatest thing in her life? Why had things gone so horrible? She couldn't figure it out. She may have been bright with books, but when it comes to matters of the heart, she couldn't be more blind.

In the midst of her thought, she noticed a pair of shoes parallel to hers. She slowly looked up to see a tall ginger-haired boy. Her heart sank. It was Ron.

She said nothing, just merely smiled, acknowledging his existence.

"H-hi, Hermione," Ron said quietly, sorrow in his voice.  
"Hello," she said, desperately trying not to sniffle.  
"Um . . . how are you?" he asked, finding it difficult to look at her.

'_Miserable_' she thought.

"I'm good actually," she said, making herself sound proud.  
"Really? I would have thought . . . . I didn't think . . . . that's great," he said.  
"Yeah. And . . . and how are you?" she asked, shakily.  
"Um . . well it's hard . . . but . . it was for the best . . . . . wasn't it?" he asked, depression filling his lonely eyes.  
"Oh, yes . . . . . . in fact, I think it was the best decision we ever made," she said, her stately tone slipping slightly.  
"Right, well . . . . I must be off. By the way, your face, it's sort of wet," he said, his hand solely brushing her face.  
He was so warm and soft. She longed for him to hold her.  
" . . . . . Oh yes, well it is raining," she said, knowing her knew better.  
"Oh, yeah. Well, . . . I have to go. I'll see you later," Ron said turning to walk away but spinning back around, "You're sure you're okay?"  
"Of course . . . . never better . . ." said said, watching him walk away for the third time, " . . . . It only hurts when I breathe . . . . "

**End Flashback **

A single tear rolled out of her melancholy eyes.

_I'm not surprised just how well -_

_I survived_

_I'm over the worst and I feel -_

_So alive_

_I can't complain - _

_I'm free again - _

Deciding whether or not to call him and just say something like 'Oh yeah, I wanted to ask you something,' she rolled over face-down in her pillow. Taking a sigh, trying to hold back her tears, she wondered why she didn't just say 'I miss you.' It was almost clear her was admitting to making a mistake.

"Why did I just stand there and not say anything?" she asked herself aloud.

It was becoming unbearable.

"Oh, poor little smart girl, lost without her knight," she mumbled.

That _is_ what everyone was thinking, she was sure. No one to help her when she falls. No one to pick her up. It was horrible. She could make it on her own in the Wizarding World. But, come to think of it, ever since she set foot on that train, they had known each other. But she had her own mind, when it came to things other then books. She didn't need someone constantly leading the way. But then again, she was never given the chance to hold her own light. She was never given the chance to be herself. Not even behind closed doors.  
Yes. She was falling alright. Faster then a basket down a hill to hell. And the worst part was, no one knew that she was hurting. And the only person that could help her, was never given the chance to be herself.

_It only hurts when I'm breathing_

_My heart only breaks when it's beating_

_My dreams only die when I'm dreaming_

_So I hold my breath-_

_To forget_

She rolled over so she could see the bedside table. There was a picture of her and Ron. More tears flowed out of her eyes. She reached over and slammed the picture face down. 'What the hell does he want from me?' she thought, 'I was always there for him. I always listened. There was never a day that I was too busy! I gave my heart to him. And he thinks we're moving to fast?! It's not like we're on the verge of having a child or planning a wedding. I hate him! I hate him!'

She cried for a while. Over and over she muttered how much she detested him and thought up ways she could make him suffer. She didn't want to wish death on anyone, but he hurt her, when she was so in love. He should at least feel some pain. He should be sorry for giving up what he lost. She wanted him to cry fir her. She wanted him to bleed for her. She wanted him to pick up the pieces of his heart. As she wished these things, the rain grew it's heaviest. She laid on her back and said softly:  
"I never want to see him again . . . . so why do I miss him? I knew we wouldn't last forever . . . . so why does it hurt so much? I hate him . . . . so why do I love him?"

_Don't think I'm lying 'round crying at night_

_There's no need to worry I'm really alright _

_I've never looked back - _

_As a matter of fact -_

She wiped her face with her delicate hands and sat up. She needed to get out. To talk to her friends. 'What friends?' she thought. Harry was really the only other person, besides Ron, who she trusted. There was Ginny. But she was, no doubt, on Ron's side. So, adding up the facts, she couldn't talk to her best friend about her best friend/ex-boyfriend or her ex-boyfriends little sister. What was she supposed to do? Be unhappy? Be miserable? Never smile again? She hated life, she hated happiness, she hated everything. She seriously, wanted to die. But, poor little Hermione, she wouldn't do anything like that. She's too smart. She knows better. But her heart was bleeding. Why shouldn't everyone around her feel some pain too? There's no reason they shouldn't. There's also no reason they should. But, oh, how she wanted him to be sorry. Wait. What was she saying? She wanted to live. To walk this earth with her head held high. But she was walking on broken bones. How could she go on knowing that the one person she loves, said that they didn't love her back? The whole thing is really stupid.  
'Ron and Hermione, together forever,' they say, 'Everyone has moments when they doubt the one they love.' But Hermione wasn't doubting love, she was doubting life.

_And it only hurts when I'm breathing_

_My heart only breaks when it's beating_

_My dreams only die when I'm dreaming_

_So I hold my breath - _

_To forget_

No, she wasn't about to end life over a boy. But he wasn't a boy, not a man, but her only one. He was the one who helped her, the one who held her, the one who loved her How could she be so stupid? 'In fact, I think it was the best decision we ever made.' She thought. Stupid! She wanted to yell at him 'I still love you!' But she couldn't. It was sure that he still loved her, so why, oh, why the hell, did she just stand there, agreeing with every bit of hurt that was being thrown at her? It was now raining in. She stood at the window, an empty street below. 'This is all so simple,' she thought, 'I 'accidentally' fell. It was just an accident. Yeah, just an accident that she didn't say anything? Just an accident that she let him walk away? No, it was all done purposely, but without thinking . . . . that's it . . . . . she wasn't thinking.  
  
She stood on the ledge and 'without thinking,' she let herself fall into the lonely street, just like Ron let her fall into the lonely darkness of which was her mind.

_It only hurts when I breathe . . . . . _

_Mmmm, no, I've never looked back -_

_As a matter of fact_

Hermione's lifeless body lay beneath the window. 'Caution' and 'Crime Scene' tape surrounded the oppressive sight. A few police men were there but none of the ambulances had shown up yet.  
"How did it happen?" one office asked, holing a notebook.  
"Poor girl, must've fell out of that window up there," another said.  
"Yeah, but it wasn't that that killed her," someone said, walking in from behind the officers.  
"How do you know?" the first man asked.  
"She was my best mate's girl," the man said.  
"And your name is?" the second officer asked.  
"That's not your concern," the mysterious man said, giving a look at the girl, making the sign of the cross, the wind rustling through his hair.  
A few officers exchanged looks of perplexity.  
"Who is that kid?" one whispered.  
"Harry Potter," another whispered back.  
"The ambulance is here!" someone shouted, "Let 'em through!"  
The ambulance pulled up and it's doors opened.  
"What happened here?" a doctor asked.  
"The girl fell from her window," one of the officers said.  
"Not only that," Harry said, carrying the stretcher with Hermione on it, "she died of a broken heart," Harry showed the doctor who she was.  
"That's impossible," one doctor said, while the other brushed his bright red hair out of his eyes.  
"No, it's not," one said, tears streaming down his face.  
"What?" another asked.  
"She did die of a broken heart . . . . . I should know . . . . I'm the one that broke it," the tall man said softly. 

_It only hurts when I'm breathing_

_My heart only breaks when it's beating_

_My dreaming only die when I'm dreaming_

_So I hold my breath - _

_To forget_

Ron pulled up to Hermione's grave. He sighed an got out of the car, almost afraid to see the stone.  
"Hi Hermione. I guess you know why I'm here. I haven't been here since the funeral 5 years ago. And I miss you. Everyday it's harder and harder. Sometimes I wonder why I get out of bed. I can't believe I'm here. This is all so . . . scary. You not being here. I came here to settle something. I know that you died thinking that I wanted to break your heart. But that's not true. Lord knows that it's not. I never, ever, meant to hurt you. I just wasn't sure. And because you were, you died. I'm sorry that you're gone and that you can't here me. And I keep thinking that maybe if I'm sorry enough you will hear me and all of this will go away. All of this will make sense. Like I've been sick forever. And when I get well, everything will be ok. The past will have never been there. And I'll see you again. And we won't remember what happened, because it never did happen. I miss you Hermione," Ron said, kneeling down to the stone, "I'm sorry that you died for love and . . . . I'm sorry that . . . I killed you . . . but before I go, I have to ask one question . . . . . can I keep you?"

" . . . . . . . _yes . . . . . . _" the wind whispered as it brushed through the willow above Hermione's grave.

_. . . Hurts when I'm breathing  
  
. . . Breaks when it's beating_

_. . . Die when I'm dreaming  
  
. . . It only hurts when I breathe_

A/N: Ok, it may not be the greatest but I think it's alright. I did twist some things, I know. Like Ron being a doctor and all, but I had to make it fit and all so, please forgive. And, I do not own anything here expept the plot. The character's and song belong to J.K. Rowling and Shania Twain. And that one line 'can I keep you?' is from Casper so that's not mine either. So, if you feel like reviewing my first story since summer, go ahead, make me a happy Ashley. One story down, four more to go! (Those of you who know my goal to get 5 by Christmas, get it! Oops! Now you all do!) Okay, I'm wasting your time, so, I hoped you liked it, tell me what you think. No flames please! I also used the whole 'Quick Edit' thing and I'm not sure if it worked for me so if there are error and what not, I tired!


End file.
